Nordia' - Script (hetalia-based)
by tshirunru
Summary: This is a script of a part of a series I'm working on about the Nordic Countries. You can read more about it in 'nordia' wikia online. It's based on Hetalia (The 'Nation Character' thing is taken from there), an anime I really like, and I worked hard on it, so hope you enjoy! btw: Also includes a few words in Suomi THE SCRIPT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO OFFEND ANYONE IN REAL LIFE!
1. Pilot

Hey guys, this is my first upload to this site. it's called 'NORDIA'. It's a script of a series I'm working on with my BFF / Friend / Crush, who's in Russia right now... She plays the role of Svalbard.. The main character.. Well anyway, the series is based on the anime series 'Hetalia', which I'm a huge fan of. I also made a 'Nordia' Wiki for the ones that did not understand things or just want to see my work.. go to .com. I might as well make a Hetavision 2015 fanfic later on.  
Oh and btw, I play the role of Finland. Gotta love this guy.

Storyteller (Norway): Once Upon a time, in a land far away, but not such a

long of a drive to be honest, the seven nordic countries were created by the almighty god of europe. Norway, whose attribute was Wiseness. Denmark, whose attribute was Understanding. Svalbard, who was joyful. Iceland, who resembled innocence. Sweden, who was kind. Åland, whom had courage. And Finland, who just brought us all heavy metal and vodka.

I live in the scandinavian hut with my two young twin sisters, the only place I can hide in from creepy, yet attractive, Belgium, which is absolutely not a nordic country, and should deal with it and.. You know what? forget that introduction! This is NORDIA!"

Iceland: "Is Grønland invyted today? Danmark?"

Denmark: "my son isn't mature enough to be included"

Norway: "he is your son!? He seems 12 shirt sizes bigger than you!"

Denmark: "FALSE! Just 10 sizes... And yes, he is my son!"

Svalbard: "today I decided to serve lollipops!"

Åland: "for the 8th conference in a row! And you've only been in five!"

Iceland: "Haw?"

Finland: "'TOO MUCH LOLLIPOP CAN MAKE STOMACH NOT FEEL HAPPY HAPPY!' I AM QUÖTING MOTHER SOVIETTA"

Belgium: "Sorry I'm late! I was late for the bus when then the bus came and I forgot my..."

Iceland: "No one vants you khir!"

Belgium: "bus pass at home."

Sweden: "you are not a nordic country!"

Svalbard: "and together we can create initials of our names to create the abbreviation SISNFÅD which means nothing in any way but who cares because we have lollipops and it's important!"

Åland: "Svalbard, you make no sense, I hate that!"

Finland: "'NEVER PICK ON LITTLE SISTER EVER' WAS WHAT MOTHER SOVIETTA USED TO SAY BEFORE SHE DIED"

Belgium: "Look! A bird!"

Sweden: "Hey, whoa, whoa, Belgium!"

Svalbard: "Yeah, gurl."

Iceland: "Don't try to be cool."

Sweden: "Kalmarunionett members, raise HANDS!"

Sweden: "I had nothing to say, I like bragging 'bout it."

Finland: "COME ON, SWEDEN."

Norway: "We're not going anywhere with this meeting! It's time to finnish this! Finnish! Get it?"

Finland: "THAT WAS LÄM."

Norway: "Every Maestro has his weaker days."

Sweden: "Oh, wait, Belgium's here. Without anything TO DO WITH IT... End of conference!"

Belgium: "You are just ending it now because I'M here!"

Norway: "how will I EVER do that to you!?"

Iceland: "Never!"

Belgium: "Ooj ja, then I'm relaxed"

Sweden: "Pack up, we are going!"

Storyteller (Norway): "So we went home, Svalbard & I, and Åland went to school. When she came back to our hut, I had to deal with this shi.. Problem."

Åland: "*I'M* not *going* inside!"

Norway: "I thought you were going to Finn's House today anyway"

Åland: "I was supposed to, but then I got this homework assignment I need to do with you"

Norway: "Then get in!"

Åland: "No! I'm mad at you! You always take Svalbard's side in everything!"

Svalbard: "let's put a potato inside fish bait and call it Potait!"

Norway: "I'm not taking her side NOW, am I?"

Åland: "ugh, arguing with you norwegians is useless in every mean"

Åland enters

Norway: "So, Homework?"

Åland: "Uhh... Yeh.. Svalbard, what in the name of the european union are you doing!?"

Svalbard: "Making sure no one fights and there is just peace in the world!"

Norway: "but how does this help it?"

Svalbard: "It isn't. I wanted you to think I'm helping the community though basically I'm just eating marshmallows"

Norway: "are you sure that's how you eat marshmal.. Ugh, nevermind"

Svalbard: "I have a secret"

Åland: "You see dead people... Wooooow. God damn it, Sval, I'm sick of the drama"

Svalbard: "why are you even here, big sister Åland?""

Åland: "I'm making an essay about my family... *to norway* I need to ask you a few questions... And, I know I'm adopted. I'm not even a bit like my so called twin, I'm a lot older, I speak swedish, My flag isn't as yours, so please, don't act like you are my biological family. Can I interview you?"

Norway: "sure, go ahead"

Åland: "you know what, we will do that later... I want to ask, What was it Belgium said about your oil?"

Norway: "*studder* that big-mouthed Belgium, I knew she would yakk about it, I knew it! *whispered*"

Åland: "*notices Svalbard near her* Svalbard?"

Svalbard (whispers into Åland's ears): "*happily* I like Fudge"

Åland: "*to norway* So, how does having oil help you?"

Svalbard: "and a unicorn. Fudge, and unicorn."

Norway: "You know, it's just that..."

Svalbard: "Ah, Fudge"

Åland: "that what?"

Svalbard: "Fudge is a nice word to use, too!"

Norway: "It gets me more..."

Svalbard: "Fudge"

Åland: "Svalbard, you need to cut it off"

Svalbard: "But, Bu... What? *cries* I never meant to do anything bad! *wails*"

Norway: "Svalbard, what actually have you done to her?"

Svalbard: "Åland, what actually have I done to you?"

Norway: "You don't even know what made her angry and you apologize? Sis, that's sad"

Svalbard: "No! *cries* I never meant to make you sad! *wails*"

Norway: "no, wait..."

Norway: "don't cry *whispers* hey... Svalbard... Don't cry..."

Norway: "Svalb..."

Svalbard: "ahhhh! *cries louder*"

Finland: "SHUT UP!"

Eurogod: "Uhhh! *stump* Cut that shit!"

Svalbard: "*scream* don't let me die young!"

Finland: "WHO WAS THAT?!"

Denmark: "oh, so bread knifes just happen to come in handy in those moments?"

Sweden: "What was this grunt I heard?"

Åland hides behind Finland and uses him as a human shield

Eurogod: "I believe I should now introduce myself! How oh so impolite of me!"

Svalbard: "where are you, at first?"

Eurogod: "everywhere."

Finland: "SPOOKY. I LIKE THAT."

Eurogod: "I am the well known god. I heard my name come up a lot in this nordic community thing.. It's a pleasure to meet you. The name is union. European Union."

Åland: "that is one suckish name"

Eurogod: "that's why you can just call me 'Eurogod', or 'The God of European Union and of the yet to be empire of europe in whole, he whom controls it all', for short."

Denmark: "bless you?"

Eurogod: "I control your imports, your exports, everything that belongs to you - I keep an eye or two on it"

Norway: "Say what you want to say, I am keeping my oil!"

Finland: "YOU CANNOT DO THAT!... WHO IS WITH ME?"

Finland: "SVAL? WE ARE TAKING SIDES NOW, AREN'T WE?"

Svalbard: "and you want me to take your side? I'm sorry, lovely Fin, no, I'm on norway's side now"

Sweden: "when are you not?"

*Imagine nordic people fighting*

Finland: "PERKELE!"

Sweden: "Why do we always have to fight? *super over dramatically*"

Åland: "*from the distance* you'd better keep on fighting, you damn fools!"

*silence*

Denmark: "I brought my son, Bigreenland!"

Bigreenland: "*threatening* Rakastan ankka teltat, mansikka!"

Sweden: "that sounds reeaaaal creepy"

Finland: "I SPEAK URALIC FINNISH! WHAT YOU SAID WAS NOT EVEN A LITTLE THREATENING! *angry*"

*Bigreenland chuckles*

Bigreenland: "The Swedes don't know that... *laughter*"

Finland: "Oh, I get that trick... VASKELAÄINEN"

Bigreenland: "Yeah... It's not what I said... I think they just went away because I'm so big... Scaredy cats"

Finland: "Why won't you come over to my house, in Helsinki Center?"

Bigreenland: "I'd love that!"

Storyteller (Norway): "And so, they went on to Helsinki, not knowing how tremendously this desicion has changed the course of the future that Eurogod held to them. Because Bigreenland... Moved in to Finland's place..."

Iceland: "vat did I miss? Haló? Norvegia? Grunland? What is dees? Olahnd? Beljik? Dart it! I always miss everything!"

Iceland & Norway: "Hai"

Svalbard: "Hello Iceland"

Svalbard: "i just want a little part of your glory oil!"

Belgium: "I am here, "My Fellow Nordics"! Wait... *confused* I am a nordic too! Wait for me! I love you, norway!"

Eurogod: "Endè!"


	2. Svalbard Is Trouble

This is the 2nd Episode of NORDIA, 'Svalbard Is Trouble'. Unfortunately, I'm not getting any reviews so I have no idea if people like it or not. Actually I have 6 episodes ready but I'm going to post them one at a time, although IF SOMEONE WANTS ME TO SEND HIM THE SCRIPTS OF A FEW EPISODES: Comment below your email, and say which episodes you'll like to see. It means a lot to me. please tell me what you think /According to the View Traffic, nobody has seen/looked at this since 08 MAY. I want to change things _ ****_

 _ **Ep. 2 - Svalbard Is Trouble**_

Svalbard: "Rise and shine!"

Norway: "Good morning!"

Åland: "Serve me fooooood!"

Svalbard: "Åland, that was rude! That is how you should ask people: 'Norway, I would love it if you would make me breakfast, with sandwiches, and sprinkled cupcakes and vanilla cream filled pies and..."

Norway: "*Svalbard talks in background* Svalbard. Svalbard. Svalbaaard. We have no fridge."

Svalbard: "Oh!"

Åland: "Sval, It's enough! Fucking stop saying dumb ass things and man up!"

Svalbard: "I am woman but"

Norway: "Åland, would you speak to your mother like that?!"

Åland: "I don't know what it's like, I don't have one but if I had one she'd probably be the worst. She gave birth to you two, after all"

Svalbard: "a wise man once said to me: 'Don't shove pickles up your nose, an elephant will grow inside you'. Haha, This wise man was me."

Åland: "that man was as wise as a sock, what can I say!"

Svalbard: "I am woman but"

Norway: "Sval, just come with me"

Norway and Svalbard walk away together

Svalbard: "*reads label on door* to shoot t-hé dur, twist t-hé k'nob"

Norway: "it says: 'to shut the door, twist the knob'"

Svalbard: "Ha. *giggle* That sounds funny"

Norway: "I wanted to talk to you about... My... Oil...?"

Svalbard: "Yay, an oil talk!"

Norway: "after you asked so much, I'll let you have some of my oil, but you have to remember - you OWE me for that!"

Svalbard: "Yayayyayayyayayayayayayyayay I love you I love you I love you aaahhhhhh *singing* the world is sweet, if it is a sweet pie, and sweet pies are sweet, not seeing is a symptom of death"

Norway: "Hey, WTF?!"

Svalbard: "I created this right now!"

Norway: "I see. Remember three things... 1- don't tell anyone about our oil transaction. 2- you absolutely owe me for that, you know. 3-

you get 5 Thousandths, that is it"

Svalbard: "ok to all. I love you, norway! You are the best person on earth, after Belg- Beige Jeans."

Norway: "you don't wear jeans at all, Svalbard! *realization* you have a crush on Belgium, DON'T you? *giggle* that is cute"

Svalbard: "don't tell anyone about this either, okay? I don't want the whole world to know I'm Bisexual as of now. I love you more than I love yellow pudding. A pudding which is yellow! And somehow I managed to love you more!"

Norway: "shit just got real"

Back in the hut

Svalbard: "Norway, I decided to treat you as a queen!"

Åland turns around with a weird-looking face

Svalbard: "*to Åland* Uhmm, no reason."

Norway walks back a bit in confusion

Svalbard: "You know, Nor...For the ummmmmm... Black... Juice, you... Bought for me...*hinting*

Norway: "Ohhhhh for that! Yeah."

Svalbard; "so, now have some... *brings nachos* Nachos, *brings other stuff* Orange juice, Extra soft pillows, beagles, yogurt, antrecotte fillet...(It's heavy) Ketchup, french fries, cheeseburgers, tampons."

Norway: "hey, woah, woah, WTF!? Why the heck would you get me tampons?!"

Svalbard: "Psst... *whispers silently* We all need it sometimes.."

Norway: "My god, Svalbard... You said you'll treat me like a... Sure, that is definitely the Queen's life."

Åland gets out of the hut and walks (with Queen Norway and Svalbard) towards the rest of the nordic countries*

Svalbard: "Hail Queen Norway!"

Denmark: "Queen? Why queen?"

Svalbard: "*happily* I have my reasons!"

Denmark: "You sure did leave me curious"

Svalbard: "I just thought of something! What if strawberries where invented to be berries with straws, but this invention was already taken by Albert Einstein? We can make history repeat! and put straws in berries!"

Sweden: "Okay, Okay, First of all, Strawberries weren't *invented*. Secondly, no one was dumb enough to buy straws that were put in berries. Thirdly, Albert Einstein did not invent the Strawberries."

Svalbard: "Fudge."

Åland: "Ugh, Not that shit again!"

Svalbard: "I'm sorry, sister of Queen Norway. Nor, is the temperature OK for you? Do you need a fan? Or a fridge? It means refrigerator, or maybe you want a.. Freezer."

Norway: *Svalbard talks in background* Svalbard. Svalbard. Svalbaaard. We have no fridge."

Svalbard: "Why? Oh, wait... I know who took it.. Ice-LAND!"

Svalbard chases off Iceland so she'll return it

Iceland: "Ay don't ave yur frij!"

Iceland and Svalbard are gone in the distance

Finland: MINI SLAVE HAS NORWAY IT'S SVALBARD AND WHO THINKS LIKE ME?"

Denmark: "I do... do I, Sweden?"

Sweden: "why ask me? And yes, I agree"

Åland: "this is pitiful. First, she says nonsense. Then, she talks in code names, and now, she's judged by Norway! Or should I say *mocking* The Great Queen Norway!"

Svalbard runs in again

Svalbard: "*sadly* I am without a fridge."

Finland: "LOOK WHO BACK! A NORWAY TOY!"

Svalbard: "Good Idea, Finn! Maybe queen Norway wants TOYS! I'll go get her!"

Åland: "No!"

Sweden: "We're talking about you being Norway's slave"

Finland: "I HAVE IDEA WHY WOULD YOU NOT LET HER HEAR MUSIC FROM THIS?"

Svalbard: "What's that, Uncle Finland?"

Finland: "HA HA NEVER CALL ME UNCLE. THIS IS MUSIC CALLED DEATH METAL. VEEEERY WELL KNOWN IN MY COUNTRY"

Svalbard: "OK"

Norway: "Sval! Finn! I HATE Death Metal!"

Finland gasps in horror

Svalbard: "Yes, Commander!"

Denmark: "Commander? This is going over the line! Where is my *"* guard dog? We might need him to stop this fight."

Finland: "BIGREENLAND IS IN HELSINKI CENTER!"

Denmark: "He's at your house, is he? Let him stay, poor boy... He has no house..."

Finland: "SO NOW HE STAYS INSIDE ME.. My HOUSE. House, house."

Sweden: "Norway, You cannot treat Svalbard as a slave!"

Åland: "Yeah, Genius! Now she's completely your TOY!"

Norway: "I don't treat her as a slave. Acting like that was 100% HER Choice. And she's not my TOY! She's right here, she'll get insulted! *notices Svalbard going away* Svalbard! *to Sweden and Åland*

See!?"

Norway goes towards Svalbard

Norway: "did you hear what Sweden said?"

Svalbard: "A-Ha"

Norway: "did you get insulted?"

Svalbard: "A-Ha"

Norway: "Are you going to do something about it?"

Svalbard: "A-Ha"

Norway: "what?"

Svalbard: "A-H... Uh, I mean.. What am I going to do about it? Stay depressed. I just happen to love you so I let you be happy, I'm not your slave! Treat me more like a.. Fluffy pot pie pink fairy. Or for short, an F.P.P.P.F."

Norway: "Fpppf. no prob."

Norway walks forward to Sweden's house

Norway: "Hey"

Sweden: "Oh my god! Hail the lord! Norway is here! *arrogantly* what honor do I have, for having you at my front door, THE FUCKING QUEEN!?"

Norway: "Sweden, don't be so mean about it! I just wanted to say, the relation between Svalbard and me, is completely legitimate!"

Sweden: "You are a sick monster!"

Norway: "*to herself* *whispers* WTF..."

Sweden: "*overreacting* I DON'T want to talk to you!"

Norway Leaves

Finland: "SO WHAT YOU GOING TO D..."

Sweden: "What I always do in those emergencies."

Finland: "*rocking and metaling everything possible what so ever* ENDÈÈÈÈÈÈ!"


End file.
